Perfect Timing
This is an experience, and lesson, that I have been blessed with. In which I have learned about God’s timing, and the trails in which he used to guide me through my life.
In May of 2006, Chief Keith Lyon, my boss, and a man that I revered, and looked up to, passed from this world to the next. This experience caused me to begin a search for meaning and God, His death caused me to question what this life was for, it made me want to know the truth. I could no longer accept that we were here only to live, love, suffer, then die. This search caused me to simply ask God to show me the way to the truth, after this simple prayer, I saw that Jesus was in fact the way. Something that, at the time I thought, was furthest from the truth. This experience, what my father later called my “anchor” caused me to fall into a deep study of the bible, old and new testament and a thirst to understand Jesus fully. What I didn’t yet know, was that God was preparing my mind and my heart for the hardest trial I would yet, ever have to face.
It was a little more than two years later, when I received word that my Uncle TJ, and old friend of my fathers, had passed on. This was a bit of a shock for me, but I was able to cope fairly well, I read the eulogy that my father had written, shed some tears, and said a few prayers. All and all I was overwhelmed with a feeling of assurance that Uncle TJ was now OK. That he was in a better place with the Lord, and was continuing his work on another level. I was surprised by this, there was no reason for me to feel this way, no proof, nothing concrete, but whenever doubt would creep in on me, my mind would take me back to the memory of my “Anchor” moment, and I realized that all was well, and under control.
I was not disturbed, by my Uncles death, nor by the idea that I would never see him walk on this earth again. I was at peace with it, and would smile when I thought of happy memories about him. I did find it mildly disturbing however, that there was no rational or logical reason I felt this peace. I just did, I realized that Jesus had become my Anchor that held me down through this storm, the He was an Anchor that would not fail. I suddenly understood what Jesus meant when he said that He was the Rock.
It was a few days later that I noticed a friend that had a necklace that had a Cross with an Anchor and a Helm, He then explained to me that Christ was his Captain, and his Anchor. I took that as a simple sign that I was on the right track.
Then one of my worse nightmares was realized, my Father suddenly fell ill and was admitted into ICU, I rushed to Missouri to be with him and my mom.
I remember hearing him, in the background of the phone call I had with my mother as he was going into surgery, my Mom was crying and worried, my Dad said “Tell Eddie that I love him.” These were the last words that I heard my father speak.
The ten hour drive to Missouri turned into thirty two hours, as we had to pull off the road at 4 am because of snow. We stayed the night at a hotel on the side of the interstate, where apparently a lot of drunks also decided to hang out at, it was a long night trying to get some quick rest, worrying about my Dad and my Mom being woken up frequently by the party next door.
The only good that came out of this trip north was that I really learned how to pray, and I experienced an even more profound since of unexplainable peace.
The next day we made it to the hospitable, and I stood with my Mother as my Father fought with the breathing tube that was shoved down his throat, and cried as the Doctors and nurses were trying to figure out why his Blood Pressure was so low.
At this point I was thanking Jesus for giving me such a good wife and son, they stood by me though out this entire time, they were tired, but never complained of being stuck in south MO, going between the hospitable and the hotel was stress, and hell. They never complained and they were always there. They backed me up through the hardest time I had ever faced, It was at that time sitting in ICU waiting on the nurses some tests, that I realized that if I didn’t have my wife, son, and my newly discovered relationship with God. That there would be no way that I could have ever have dealt with this. It was also at that moment that I realized that my father would, very likely, soon die. I told my Mom who was sitting next to me at the time, “I wouldn’t be able to handle this, if it weren’t for the fact that God has prepared me for this.”
“What do you mean?”, she asked.
“Well, first I find Carma and Austin, then Chief Lyon’s death wakes me up, then I found Jesus, then Uncle TJ and now, well, now I know I can handle this, where as if it were a year ago, or two, I wouldn’t be able to deal with this. But now, I just know it’s all gonna be OK, you know?”
She hugged me and we cried and we prayed.
It was a few days later, we saw my Dad several times, and we talked with him, but he never remembered me from the day before. The Doctors had found a problem in his shoulder and got his blood pressure up. Most of my prayers started with “Thank you” after that.
Yet my dad still had a respirator in his mouth and I was never able to talk with him, only talk too him, the most I got in return was a wink or a nod. My prayers turned into requests to just get to talk with my dad again, just one more time, I felt a strange assurance deep inside that this would be so. I clung to this promise. After a week or so, with my dad’s blood pressure getting better we decided it was time to return to Tennessee, things were looking up and much better for him, He would be off the respirator soon and we would be able to talk soon. The drive home was much easier.
Still for several days after, I could not talk with my Dad because of his respirator, then his trake, but I spoke to him through mom on the phone and I got to hear about a lot of nods and shakes and winks. It was a good Christmas.
It was shortly after that when it was explained to me that my father would most likely, never go home. I was heart broken, it appeared that he would never be able to be left alone or take care of himself, that he was simply in too bad of shape to live what one would consider a remotely normal life. That he would have to be in a nursing home the rest of his life. I knew my dad wouldn’t deal with this well, He lived for 40 years in intense pain almost all the time, but I knew it would be much worse to him, to be completely helpless to care for himself. He wouldn’t want to live like that, and how could I watch this great man just erode away, loose the last of his pride much less his hope to walk, hunt or do anything that he enjoyed ever again?
My prayers changed to “Lord just let Your Will be done, Please do what ever is best for my dad.”
Let me ask, are you starting to see how God prepared me for this yet?
But I held on to that promise, I knew that I would get to speak to him again, and he would speak to me. We would have yet one last conversation. This was now my hope, my new anchor.
New years day came and went, 2008 didn’t seem as if it would be a very good year. It may be the only one that I don’t have any memory of, we were in bed before midnight.
Nine days later, I woke up late one morning, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, I can’t say I was dreaming because I was fully aware of my wife in the bathroom washing her face. I heard my father say “What a night” and I felt his presence, as if he was standing right next to me. I said to him, either in my head or out loud, I’m still not really sure. “Well hi there, how are you doing? I guess your doing better!” I figured he was since he was talking and all.
“Nope, not any better.” he said.
Puzzled I responded “But your talking now, you haven’t been able to do that for a while. How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling great,” he said
“Well then you must be doing better,” I was real confused at this point. “Did you have a good night?”
“Nope didn’t have a good night, not at all.”
I woke up. Or something, I was already awake. This is very heard to describe. I’ll just leave it like that. My fathers presence faded and I started my day, my thoughts kept going back to him, so I figured once I got to work I’d call mom and check on him. When I reached Mom she was on her way to work, had called the hospitable, and dad had had a good night and rested well. I felt the need to tell a co-worker about my experience that morning and he said it sounded a lot like one that he and had about a friend that had died. He called it serendipity. I hope that one day I will be able to understand what this experience was. The only thing I’m sure of, is that it was not just a dream.
It was about 10 am when I received a call from my Mom that my father had flat lined, she was in route to the hospitable, they were shocking him back.
It was about 10:20 when I realized that the Lord had kept his promise to me and let me have one last talk with my Dad, it was about 5 minutes later I was praying that the Lord would just take my Dad and end his suffering in this world.
I was about 10:45 when I received the call that my Father was no longer with us.
It was several hours later, Me and my wonderful family were headed north to bury my father, I had a tear in my eye the whole way but peace in my heart and a slight smile on my face. I was very assured that all was well, and my father was no longer in any pain. This is how I learned about God’s perfect timing, plan, and the peace you feel when you are with him.
It is now a year later, I know now, with Jesus, I can overcome anything. I know that no matter how horrible the experience can be , that Jesus is there with me and with him I may with faith in him, overcome it. All things happen in the right time, all things will make me grow stronger and closer to God.