doteddie.com

When I was eight years old or so maybe 9 maybe 10, I won a large hair comb at the fair. I brought it to you when you were working at the flower shop. I remember giving it too you there, and I went back out to the fair. I found a toy gun there that I wanted to buy, I can’t remember if you had my money or if I needed a little more but for whatever reason I came back to you and asked if I could get that toy gun. You told me No, and I remember being very mad that you wouldn’t let me have it. At that moment that toy would have brought me a lifetime of joy.

You told me no.

I didn’t realize that it would probably have broken before it even got home. I just knew that I really wanted it and you wouldn’t let me have it. I’m sure now that you just didn’t want to see me hurt and upset that I wasted $10.00 on that stupid thing. I look back now and I remember that toy gun every time I have to tell Austin “No” and realize the pain he must be feeling when I’m keeping him from the most joyous thing in the world. That is, in reality, is a waste of money, and will end up in the trash in less than a week.

Then I remember that comb, that comb that I gave you as a gift, the one that I won at the fair and was so excited to have won something and to be giving it to my Mom. You took it from me with, I’m sure, more joy in your heart than that toy gun would have ever have giving me.

That comb that you had taken and placed silk flowers on and was going to decorate it and hang it somewhere in the house.

That comb that in a fit of anger a little boy that was mad, took back from you. I still remember the look on your face as I grabbed it up and said, “You can’t have this now, not if I can’t have that gun.”

I’m 33 years old now, and I’ll tell you this, I’ve shed more tears over that comb than I did over that stupid toy gun.

I’m sorry Mom.